Breathless

An eternal sunshine was always promised to me, or so said my mother. She often used it as a metaphor for almost every “opportunity” that came my way.

How she could, even for a moment, equate any career offer to sunshine was beyond my understanding. This was not a career, this was not a life, and this was not living. She had started me off you know, assuring me at the early age of 10 that it was okay, we were different from everyone else. “You’re unique, like your mother” she would always say. Yeah well maybe I did not want to be unique, maybe I wanted to be normal.

How fulfilling it must be, to look into someone’s eyes and not feel as if you are staring into their very soul, and charging them for it no less. It was like stealing a diamond from a rich mans pocket and then selling it to his wife at cost price. Could humans really be this heartless? I cannot imagine that my father had intended for me to become the person that I am today. Had he known that this would be the result of giving in to temptation, he would definitely have been stronger.

What do I do? I am a professional psychologist. What is so wrong with that, you may ask. Well, let me explain. As time went by, humans become more focused on technology than actual living. Computers and the World Wide Web slowly took over the lives of family members, leaving them almost completely immune to emotions. The entertainment technology brought out ruled human interaction and the need for verbal communication. As a result, the human species were able to suppress all inner emotions and focus rather on what the internet had to offer.

Years later, the need for psychologists and psychiatrists became minimal if not extinct. As if my mother would let that stop her from forcing her eternal dream onto me, her only child. Mom had always wanted to be a psychologist, however due to circumstance, she never managed to fulfil her wish. She made it her mission to put me through university and have me qualify as a psychologist. I protested, laying down the obvious in a desperate hope to not do as she wished, I explained how unnecessary my profession had become. The pointlessness of the gruelling years spent studying something that really did not matter to me, haunted me from the moment I realised that I had no say in the matter.

Humans truly are the most savage species in existence. Yes humans, they take and take, never giving back and never stopping to realise that this earth that they over plough, will soon no longer be able to sustain them considering they harvest, but never sow. I am not a human, no, well not completely anyway. My father, an android, went against all rules of our kind and developed a relationship with my mother, an earthling. How the story actually played out, I was never told, mom said she wishes to never speak of it, dad is forbidden to have contact with earth, I have not heard his voice since the first and only lullaby he ever sung to me.

I remember everything, my birth, my birthdays, the important events in my life and the useless ones too. My abilities allow me to view past events of both my parents lives, ones that do not include each other. From the many events that I have watched in each ones existence, I was able to draw conclusions as to the types of personalities that they possessed. My mom: beautiful, healthy, fit, snobbish, controlling and manipulative. My father was straight forward, handsome, athletic with a body to suit the part, caring, respectful and utterly loyal.

How did two such different entities have a single moment of unity. How could such opposing creations, join forces to create me. I was now the first, and only one of my type, I jokingly named myself the “humdroid”. Apart from having mum and dads past as a playback, I could also look into the heart of any human and know exactly what they were feeling, and why. That is how mother finally created a market for my psychology practise. I would first look into the hearts of unsuspecting strangers, decipher their troubles, think up a solution, and finally randomly walk into them and let loose my expertise. Naturally they felt as if all their problems were over, they booked countless sessions with me, thus the emergence of my thriving business.

It was shameful, hurtful and harmful to my android body. Living this lie was a constant reminder that I was a Halfling, neither above, nor below, just somewhere in-between. It kept mother dear satisfied, and that meant she was quiet for most of the time, the money kept her shopping and well out of my hair and head. She often told me that she loved me, but I never knew what that meant. She always forgot that my type do not feel such emotions, but then who could blame her, dad sure had enough emotions back then to cancel out that trait.

“You were born with an eternal sunshine”, yes mom, that sentence is true only because I cannot die. Eternal referred  to my immortal life, and the sunshine to my abilities, with such a combination I was surely ruling the perfect life. For some reason, I wanted more. I longed to know what it felt like to experience all emotions, to be able to differentiate between them. I looked into the hearts of people on a daily basis, each person had the exact same scarlet couloured heart. I looked into my own, it was black.

I got a call early one morning, it was my personal assistant. “Miss, you have an appointment this afternoon, he is not on our records”. What on earth is that about, I had not met any new patients, this person surely called out of his on free will. Wow, I had my first real patient. I assured myself that I would use no powers on him, this would be traditional.

I sat in my comfy chair, looking professional, harbouring the most absurd smile. I was genuinely happy for the first time, I knew this emotion well, though it was the first time I did not have to generate it, it was the first time my emotion was real. At precisely 12:30 my office phone buzzed, “your 12:30 is here” squeaked my assistant, “Send him through” I replied.

There was a faint knock on my door, it was so graceful yet strong, respectful yet dominating. No! I promised myself I would analyse this patient professionally, I had spent years studying after all, I really was qualified. He opened the door, his hand was the first thing in view, fair and soft. His shining black Italian shoe stepped in confidently, his black pants settling on the shoe perfectly, his scarlet formal shirt was tucked in, with a light tug out over his belt, it puffed over so naturally, yet embraced his clearly defined arms menacingly.

For some reason the breath had being knocked out of me, some invisible force had punched me in the gut. I let out a gasp in order to regain oxygen. What just happened to me, I felt a thud in my chest, that thud should not be there, our organs do not work that way. I looked down at my chest, my vision went deeper, my black heart was beating. He took a seat, his eyes were so warm, yet they stared into mine so painfully. He had a smile on his face, and a glow to his aura, in spite of that, when I mustered up enough courage to catch his gaze, he signalled out a desperate plea, “help me” his beautiful eyes cried out to me. I do not know what had just happened, or what this intense feeling was, the only thing I did know, was that for the first time in my android life, I felt human.

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